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I have no skin and I feel everything

The wild winds of fortune will carry me onwards...

Created on 2007-11-22 06:54:36 (#14303119), last updated 2009-11-29

295 comments received, 967 comments posted

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127 Journal Entries, 31 Tags, 0 Memories, 40+ ScrapBook Files, 0 Virtual Gifts, 34 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	Nina
Location:	United Kingdom

Bio

This is my safe place

ME, ME, ME
There are three choices in life: be good, get good or give up.

Proud Browncoat. Incurable fangirl. Executive transvestite.

My fandoms are very important to me. I use them not to escape from life but to understand it better. Music is my prayer. I sing in the shower and write poetry on old envelopes. I value my independance and fight for equality. I dislike matriarchal feminists, cowards and prejudice. I will always give you a chance. I like Rachmaninov and I like Lily Allen, and many of the links between. Reality TV makes me want to turn my back on humanity. My fandoms keep me to my values. I grew up learning from Aslan and Martin the Warrior. I am spiritual but I don't reach for impossible stars. I know my limitations and I push them until they break. I am scattered fragments, a fractured whole or the most together person you will ever meet depending on the day. I work below myself and love above myself. I believe in Narnia. I write for myself and for those few who need what I say. I don't like humanity as a whole but I love humans. I think the World is worth it. People can be the best and the worst of life. I have few close friends but I value them highly. I am monogomous but polyamerous in a way - I will promise myself to one person but love several very deeply. It takes a lot to earn that from me. I submit but I choose my submission. It is not about being weak. I am not needy. I am too needy. I am proud. I will turn away from you and reach out to you. I strive to the ideals I admire in others. I will not let you tread on me. I will fight hard for those I love. My friends are my family. You will never know me unless you know me. I will be bought to tears by beauty - the sound of the tide on the stones, the smell of fresh sap, a shaft of sunlight on a cloudy day. I am melodramatic. I can be bitchy. I am the weakest person I know and I am strong because of it. I am extremely feline. I am as changable as the tide and as solid as the earth. I like to be warm but I don't like the sun. I collect crystals and experiences. I believe in myself. I believe in pitbulls. I believe in you.

MY FIBROMYALGIA JOURNAL: http://almost-fine.livejournal.com/profile

MY FANDOM JOURNAL: http://red-in-leather.livejournal.com/profile

MY DOG'S JOURNAL: http://apricotdog.livejournal.com/profile

I LOVE YOU
That's me favorite shirt. That's me only shirt!

The sea, streams, rivers, lakes, waterfalls, mountains, hills, valleys, islands. The Lake District. Dancing. Running until I collapse. Climbing trees in the rain. Standing barefoot in the storm. The smell of night. Summer rain. Shower tears. Long, long baths. Candles. "Did he just call me Amazonian?" Eloise - she makes me want to be a better person. Sharing your ship with the bomb and a martini. Ice cream. Ice. Care packages. Sadism (only the good kind). My iPod keeps me sane. Writer's hat. Fish and chips at the beach. "You're not like her." And that night. I couldn't live if I couldn't write. Talking to strangers. I miss those boots. Roast dinners. My crystals let me show you them. Sanity is overrated. Cliché is underrated. Misanthropic drug addicts. Secret tattoos. Can't stop the signal! Not a tame lion. Spoilers in a familiar cover. It's not a scythe. Please underestimate me.

I HATE YOU
I'm sorry, I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?

Prejudice, sadism (except the good kind), apathy. Foolish people make me *headdesk* People are not true to themselves enough. Abuse - how can you hurt something that looks right back at you? Big weddings, I'm an anti-bride every time. "It's not fair on him." Toothache. Dentists. The choice between the two. My scars let me show you them. 'Excruciating.' You piss me off. Familiarity - I don't know you, don't fucking touch me. I don't want to know you, don't fucking touch me. I have given too many chances. Empty sex. "I hate you!" People are too easily insulted (don't flinch away from me/why won't you let me touch you?/Don't you remember me?) I fear only fear. Pretentiousness. Snobbery. Secret photography. "Don't touch my coffee." Nightmares are rare. Office politics. Bullies sicken me. That goddamn chicken. You don't know me, bitch. Wanna-blessed-bes. Don't shove your beliefs down my throat. Some people are gay - get over it. End of days. Please don't underestimate me.

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Big damn heroes

Malcolm Reynolds - "But a man learns all the details of a situation like ours, well then he has a choice." "I don't believe he does." Gregory House - He can do the right thing when no-one else can. Brian Kinney - He can do the right thing even if it means everyone he knows turns their backs on him. Self-sacrifice isn't always pious. Emmett Honeycott - I aspire to be as good a friend as he is to those he loves. Martin the Warrior - Jaded, scarred, yet still picked up his sword when he was needed. Mariel - Didn't even know who she was and she fought the good fight. Aslan - Not a tame lion. Still a good person. Reepicheep - No matter how small people see you as, you can still make a difference. And believe in yourself. "Sweet... sweet!" Buffy - there is no 'grey'. Giles - You have to be able to deal with the 'grey'. Fred - No powers, no strength, and she still fought just as hard as the rest. Wesley Whyndam-Price - Hit the bottom and still be able to learn to trust again. To fight for those who betrayed you. And to betray when it needs to be done. Spike - Love unconditionally and give all that you are. Don't let your past twist you the wrong direction. Maya Angelou - To be herself in a time when being herself was not something she could have been. Annie Lennox - Now there's real feminism. Marilyn Manson - Be who you are! The Doctor - Humans are always worth it. Captain Jack - Go down fighting. Come back up and make your saved life worth living. Cadfael - You can change without changing, you can atone without losing what you are. Don't believe blindly, "Sometimes I like to put the sand of doubt into the oyster of my faith." Mr Tibbs - He taught me to be proud, to be strong and to scratch back. He made me a better person. Anne - Make your weaknesses your strengths. Logan - Even if you don't know who you are, or if you used to be something bad, you can make yourself anew. Hank McCoy - Just because you look like a monster doesn't mean you have to act like one, and when you do, make it your strength. Rise above what other people expect when they look at you. Mohinder Suresh - Everyone makes mistakes.

QUOTE ME
(Because I steal ideas from Other Lauren)
(Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery)
(Bite me)

TV AND FILMS

DOCTOR (NINE): D'you know like we were saying? About the Earth revolving? It's like when you're a kid, the first time they tell you that the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it- [he takes Rose's hand] -the turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour and the entire planet is hurtling around the Sun at sixty-seven thousand miles an hour, and I can feel it. We're falling through space, you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go.... [beat. Drops her hand] That's who I am. Now forget me, Rose Tyler. Go home.

RIENETTE (Doctor Who): One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel.

ALLIANCE COMMANDER: Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of.
MAL: May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

BOOK: You don't fix faith, River. It fixes you.

RIVER: It's just an object. Doesn't mean what you think.

RIVER: She understands. She doesn't comprehend.

HOUSE: We can live with dignity - we can't die with it.

Penny (Dr Horrible): Everything happens.

MUSIC

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
- Jewel

I have this theory, that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
It's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
- Jewel

But to be forgiven, we must first believe in sin
- Jewel

We are that to which we pray
- Jewel

And lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead a life uncommon
- Jewel

And since it seems clear there's no one leading us here
The only thing left it appears is to task ourselves to be better each time, than those before us
- Jewel

Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?
- Jewel

You wanted perfect, you got your perfect
Now I'm too perfect for someone like you
- Marilyn Manson

Only things worth living for
Innocence and magic, amen
- David Gray

They got caught up in your talent show,
With you pernickety little bastards in your fancy dress,
Who just judge each other and try to impress
- James Blunt

You're like my yo-yo
That glowed in the dark.
What made it special
Made it dangerous,
So I bury it
And forget
- Kate Bush

You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware, I'm tearing you asunder.
Ooh, There is thunder in our hearts.

Is there so much hate for the ones who love?
Tell me we both matter don't we?
- Kate Bush

And I'll do it for you
I'll be the Rose of Sharon for you
I'll do it for you
I'll be the Lily of the Valley for you
I'll do it for you
I'll be Isolde or Marion for you
I'll do it for you
Ooh I'll come in a hurricane for you
I'll do it for you
A wop bam boom
- Kate Bush

This is where heroes and cowards part ways
- Nightwish

I wish had qualities like
Sympathy
Fidelity
Sobriety
Sincerity
Humility
Instead I got lunacy
- Lily Allen

I wish my life was not so boring
Every weekend four to the flooring
Don't get me started on Monday morning
- Lily Allen

Don't you want something else,
Something new, than what we've got here,
And don't you feel it's all the same,
Some sick game and it's so insincere,
I wish I could change the ways of the world,
Make it a nice place
Until that day,
I guess we stay,
Doing what we do
Screwing who we screw
- Lily Allen

All the magazines they talk about weight loss,
If I buy those jeans I can look like Kate Moss,
Oh no it's not the life that I chose,
But I guess its just the way that things go
- Lily Allen

All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you.
- Linkin Park

If the Divine master plan is perfection
Maybe next I'll give Judas a try
- Tori Amos

Well I think the good book is missing some pages
- Tori Amos

And when my hand touches myself
I can finally rest my head
And when they say take of his body
I think I'll take from mine instead

Getting off
Getting off
While they're all downstairs
Singing prayers
Sing away
He's in my pumpkin p.j.'s
Lay your book on my chest
Feel the word
Feel the word
Feel the word
The word feel it
- Tori Amos

t's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you here
Take hold of my hand
Yeah I can hear them
- Tori Amos

It's alright, it's alright
If the news says half the truth
Hearing what we want is the secret of eternal youth
- Shakira

Sometimes you feel expensive
Sometimes you feels so cheap
You can roam the streets a King
Whilst everyone's asleep
- The Beautiful South

So imagine a mirror
Bigger than the room it was placed in
Imagine my wish for a future that cannot hold my wish
Imagine the want to hold a rod that cannot hold the fish
Imagine a rod that cannot hold the fish
- The Beautiful South

Hearts built like reservoirs
Words built like dams
Thoughts built like juggernauts
- The Beautiful South

I'm an autumn girl, flying over London
With the trees on fire it looks like home
- Kirsty McColl

Us Amazonians know where we stand
We got kids, we got jobs, why do we need a man?
Us Amazonians make out alright
But we want something to hold in the forest at night
- Kirsty McColl

I feel it all, I feel it all
I feel it all, I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside
- Feist

I am a mere puppet
I can get away with anything I say and you will love it
- Eminem

And I can say that and you laugh
cuz there's a puppet on my hand
- Eminem

Struggling so hard to see
My fist against eternity
And will you break my will?
- Suzanne Vega

My sister says she never dreams at night
there are days when I know why;
those possibilities within her sight,
with no way of coming true.
Some things just don't get through
into this world , although they try.
- Suzanne Vega

There's a woman
On the outside
Looking inside
Does she see me?

No she does not
Really see me
Cause she sees
Her own reflection
- Suzanne Vega

POETRY

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